I've been in college for a full week now and love every bit of it :)) Well minus some of the classes. I have a feeling I am going to get picked on in Spcm 111 and it is such a small class I feel all weird in it not knowing anyone!! Everything else is fine though. Spcm 275 should be cool, the reading looks interesting and Weronika and now Kyle is in it! I am going to drop Calc 221 tomorrow after my discussion group because I got super stressed out tonight because I couldn't do ANYTHING!! I felt like an idiot and being in college it is harder to get help and I don't need it anyways, so why not?

I had lunch with Patrick today, he is different. One of those sheltered kids let off into the wild now and is loving it. He is way to talkative//hyper for me. I told Katlyn this and she was like then how do you stand me? But it is different. I want my girls to be like me so we can be all hyper and loud and all that good stuff. Guys on the other hand, are supposed to be chill and laid back. Anyways, I like the older guys better.. like Dave ;)

Btw, Dave is my new crush. OMG he is super cute and I have seen him twice walking around campus, but never said anything because I am not sure he remembers me. Sad right?! To make myself sound better.. I met him Thursday night when me and Katlyn hung out with her roommate Nicole and her friend Mike's older brother and his friends (Dave being one of them). And Dave kind of stood out from everyone and everytime I said something to him he would always be like "yessm!!" And did I mention how sexy he was?? Haha, I sent him a message on facebook tonight with Katlyn's help, so we will see how that goes..

Steve down the hall is such a sweetie. He is a goofball//smart ass too, so we naturally get along good. Elo told me that he is going to start liking me soon, which I hope doesn't happen because I just want to have a guy bff again since i lost all my boys when they went to college :/

Rommate is ok. She does some weird things, like doesn't turn off the light when she goes to bed even though I tell her it's ok since I have my desk lamp. And she also thinks it is very rude to burp. I can't wait until she comes to Manito haha. She is pretty shy too, she is starting to make her own friends which is good because we are too talkative//hyper for her for sure.

Things I miss about having my own room;;
Blaring my music.
Only picking up after myself.
Having my own time.
Not worrying about whether I am making someone else happy.
Waking up when MY alarm goes off.
Walking around nakerrrrrs :b
Not caring about who comes over.
Knowing the people who are always in my room lol.

I am such a spoiled, only child :b





Early bedtime tonight chitlins!!

I haven't written in here a lot because nothing real exciting has happened lately. Just hanging out with friends and enjoying the end of summer while trying to buy all my stuff for college!!

Last night we went to see Sam's apartment and met her Chinese roommates, it was pretty sweet and got Katlyn, Chels and me excited for our own places! Afterwards we met the girls (and boyfriends) at Joe's Crab Shack and had a nice late dinner. It wasn't really the same, but I think we just have already started seperating into our college groups. No big deal because we will always get back together no matter what.

Bad news. I am sick. Sinuses or a cold, I don't know, but it sucks. I am a freaking mess and can't function without some drugs lol.

So the next time I write in here I am going to be in my dorm room most likely :) I have to finish laundry, make the bed and get all my shit together so I can go home!!





So long drama, hello to college :)

I know it has been a long time, but I have been so busy with everything.

June 12th I had registration and got my schedule and shit for school. It was sweet, besides the big fight with my mom and getting dead tired.

The 16th I left for Arizona with plans of leaving the 19th for Cali, but we got rear ended the 18th and ended up not going until the 24th on a greyhound bus instead of in Sam's car which was totaled. I would tell the whole story, but I am sick of it and I am sure I will never forget it.

Cali, I mean Socal lol, was a blast. Didn't do much, parties were weird because we didn't fit in too well, but I loved it there. Santa Barbara is gorgeous and the beach.. OH MY GOD! I could live out there easily.. once I was a millionare lol.

Got back to Illinois July 1st. Turned 18 July 3rd, nothing special. Then the 4th left for Eminence, Mo with Tyler Martin, Kelson and Jordan. Kelson's lil Monte Carlo is NOT a good road trip car. There were 20 of us, only 8 being kids, and it was a blast. Went canoeing, me and Jo flipped our canoe, went 14 miles, waaay too long btw, and ate way to much while I was there. We stayed in the Americana room, it was BA ;)

Now I am in Manito. Bored. Went out to Casey's new house on Scottie's street and were drinking, but Michelle's parents decided to check out the house at 11pm and caught us so we had to leave. Bull shit. Then I came back here and got on the internet, what else is there to do? Got to looking at people's myspaces and now I am in a depressed mood. I need a boy.

NO I don't need one. I want a boy. Much better. But still sucks.. only one boy would make me happy right now and like that is going to happen. My love life sucks.

I mean my "so called love life that isn't so much of a life at all" suck.

The whole no stability in my life is still going on.. and it isn't that cool anymore. It doesn't really help when I am trying to get ready for college, which is waaaay more complicated/confusing/pain in the ass than you think, hang out with friends, stay in touch with the fam and keep my sanity all at once.

I want to live in my house. Be able to see my friends whenever I want. Not have money problems. Then go to college with the roommate of my choice and just live life.





I will keep dreaming I guess..

Earlier this week.. I read Maria Shriver's book, Just Who Will You Be?, and it was pretty good. It was super short, not really what I expected, but still inspirational and I would suggest it for everyone to read. Just borrow it because it isn't worth $15 haha. But yea, watching her on Oprah would have probably been enough. I am glad I have the book though, as like a source to go back to in hard times ya know? What really inspired me though was that she used to be a journalist and become so much more. I know her name really helped her out in that, but still. Me wanting to be a journalist reading a book, and about other best sellers she has out there, is reassuring and inspires me to follow my dream. Since she is so strong too, and does a lot of good with her talent and power is also a big plus.

Update on moving status;
Almost completely moved out of the house. Mom still has a couple of things left there, but other than that we are done! She also still has a shit load of boxes to go through at the apartment, but she will get through them eventually because they are taking over the living space!! I am all the way moved in though, I left like half my stuff in boxes since my room is like 5 times smaller though :/ O well, I love it!!

I am on a caffeine fix right now. My hands are shaking as I type and I can't stop twirling in my chair. Not good. Stupid coffee, lol.

Ok now about last night..

It was Ginnie's goodbye party :'( It was lots of fun, we played quarters and kicked ass!! PT prayed with all of us for Gin before he left and us girls had a big cry fest in the hall and Tracy got pics to prove it haha. Then I went with Katlyn and Haleigh to Katlyn sister Sara's apartment in Peoria to stay (she is in Delaware so Katlyn is house sitting, I am staying there Monday too) and stayed the night. We got there at like 1am, talked for awhile, then went to sleep. Well, I didn't. I was like in that almost asleep stage for awhile then woke up, wide awake at 3:30. So I went upstairs and read James Frey's book, My Friend Leonard, and went back down after 4 and was fine. But the main reason why I couldn't sleep was because I kept thinking about Gin leaving and comparing it to Sam, then thinking about when Sam left and all that bad stuff. It was sad. This morning Gin came by because I forgot my digital at her house and she was like you are the last person to see me before I go! I kind of had to catch my breath.. she is really leaving us :( I mean we are all leaving.. but she is going to be in FLORIDA and we won't see her until SPRING BREAK! I have a feeling me and Katlyn might have to do a surprise visit..

Things are beginning to change too fast. I am growing away from the group and closer to Katlyn and SamU and Tyler. Me and Jo and Chels are still good, but our lifestyles are soo different, well mainly just relationship status. This might be the last weekend I am here until next month when I get back from Az//Cali. Then I have a month until college. Wow this is going by fast.

Btw I love being in my aunt's house all by myself :) The only thing that sucks is when Justin has all thee bois over at night because I don't want to stay here with them, gr. I love my apartment better though!!

Nathan news. Texted me Wednesday. Same as always. Thinking we were cool. Tried to pull his shit. Caught him before he could start. He told me that I would never find a husband in college because I have morals. Funny shit huh? I told him to be looking for an invite for the wedding :)

Ok, over that. Life right now is good. I love it, even if I have no stability at all right now. It's cool, got to live on the edge sometimes right?

Oh, and for all you reading this, if you like quotes//icons.. I am going to switch my xanga site to pure just that. So check it out because I am pretty much the shiiit when it comes to good quotes and icons. I borrow (sounds better than steal lol) almost all of them from other subs, but I might randomly write some stuff in there!!

www.xanga.com/kciamelia





Here's to life && what we thought it was once all about!

Graduation went extremely well. It was under an hour long and I didn't even break a sweat. I forgot my silly string though :( The party went a lot better than I expected too. I ended up with $752!! I started a checking account today at National City with it, but I loaned Mom $250, so I am waiting for that to be put in there too!!

So we moved to Bloomington on Monday. It rained all morning and my books somehow ended up on the trailor so they got soaked. None are ruined, but a couple are pretty damaged. Piss me off. Other then the rain, and the tired that flew off the trailor btw, it went smoothly with all my mom's friends helping. I got my room all moved in and unpacked in 6 hours and finished decorating it and my bathroom last night.

I am sooo worn out right now though. I haven't had a solid, good night of sleep since last week. And here I am on the computer at 1:20 am. Go me. Between cleaning the old house (which is disgusting btw) and hauling boxes back and forth between Manito and Btown and unpacking and repacking and scrubbing and cleaning some more.. it is exhausting. My little fragile body can't take much more of this!!

Next week, after Tuesday, I will be back at my home and will hopefully be able to settle in while the girls are gone to Indiana Beach. And I also get to start thank you cards, yippee!!

Ok headache coming on.. bathroom break, koolaid, tylenol, reading.. bed!! Tomorrow we are having lunch at Mel's for Alex's birthday saturday then I am going to Katlyn's then to Tyler's for a bon fire. The fire was supposed to be a surprise party for Ginnie BUT I guess she is spending time with PT tomorrow night so that got thrown out the window.. grrr.





I never told a lie, and that makes me a liar :x

So sorry about the last 2 posts.

Me and Kelson are over. He decided, not we, to be just friends because he is scared and all this bull shit I found out this week he told Katlyn a couple of months ago also. It was awkward at first being around him, but now it's ok. I hung out with him and Tyler M twice this week and yesterday talked to his parents and sister Lauren for awhile at his house. I have come to find out that I am falling in love with his family. Like literally, his parents are mi fav and Lauren is soo cool. Selena is pretty sweet too, but I haven't talked to her as much lately. Kelson's dad cracks me up and they would sooo fit in with my fam. Strangeness.

The past month has been weird. School ended last friday, no biggie. This week flew by. I got $1000 in scholarships. I got the Rotary Club scholarship and Aunt Sisi says they love me!! I have a roommate, Rumy from Lima, Peru. Graduation is tomorrow and I am moving to Bloomington on Monday :o I had people over for a bon fire as my "going away" thinger Thursday. It went well, just a night to chill. I just can't believe I am really moving..

I should be packing now, well actually cleaning out the stupid closet in here. But it is 10:30 and I am dead tired. The only reason why I am not asleep now is because I have clothes on my bed that need to be packed but I have to do laundry before packing everything! Tomorrow is going to be crazy. Graduation at 2, then party until 10 and I will most likely have to come back here and finish packing and getting ready to move in the morning. This is so surreal.

I am not sad about moving because I am going to be back a lot.. I am sad about leaving my house. This is the longest I have ever stayed in one place. It feels like home here.. but I am so stressed out right now I am like in auto pilot, so it has been hitting me in small spurts of sadness. I am sure I won't breakdown until Monday night when I am sleeping in my new room. That is two nights away.. wow.





Next time I write I will be in Bloomington.
I love mi casa :'(

I already wrote in here about me freaking out, well that night got all cleared up later when I got my charger and talked to Kelson and Chels reassured me everything was ok.

But today was a total bomb at the art club field trip with Kelson. It seemed like he was trying to avoid me all day and when he did pay attention he acted all weird. So I texted him when we got home and basically he said he was scared. Scared of hurting me. Scared of me going away to college. Scared of getting into a serious relationship or falling in love. He said he doesn't know what he wants and nothing I said helped him decide so I finally told him to think about it and tell me when he knew because I can't do this.

The one thing I left out though was no matter what he is going to hurt me because he just did by not telling me he knows what he wants.. me.

I could blame me being so upset on hormones, but I think this time it is just my heart being broken again. I can't stop crying, I want to be with him. I have fallen really hard, really fast. And it isn't my fault, everyone, I mean everyone, has contributed in some way. People telling me we look so good together or that they can tell he likes me a lot or whatev else doesn't help.





Here's to wishing the days go by fast until he makes up his mind..
Then for time to stop for an eternity.

So prom was last night. I would love to say it was fabulous, amazing, the best night of my life! But my emotions and tendency to over-analyze everything got the best of me.

First off all the good stuff. Kelson looked adorable :) His mom told him that we looked really good together and when we were getting our professional pics, the jostens guy said that same. Everyone loved my hair and dress. I danced all night with Kelson. He held my hand in public and always came and found me on the dance floor. Typing this right now makes me smile, in fact I am smiling right now :)

This is when the emotions kicked in.. I saw him talking to Rena. I walked away for .2 seconds to get a drink, and she stalked right up to him and was talking to him. So I ducked into the crowd on the dance floor to the other side, but I could still see them of course. Then she gave him a hug, or he hugged her, or each other, whatev. And she walked away!! Jordan told me to ask him about it.. which I might have done if my phone didn't die a couple hours ago and she has my charger. But I doubt I would have anyways.. even though now that I am typing this I am getting really mad and want to now. If only my mom would get her ass home I could call Justin to see if he has his old chocolate charger. Grr. This is killing me right now. But back to prom.. On the way home I got really tired and didn't talk much. Then when I was in the girl's changing room at the FC Kris Spangler was talking to me and asking questions about me and Kelson and I told her I honestly don't know.. so I need to know. Then I pulled a typical Casey, and pulled all my emotions and feelings in and got all emo, doing the not just hard, but impossible to get thing. I kind of snapped out of it later and we walked around together a lot, did the bungee cord thing together (which I kicked his ass) and stuff, but it just didn't feel right.

Ok, I meant to write more, but I think I am about to have a breakdown and I need to talk to my bff. Hormones suck.





Fuck being a girl.

Quote of the day;
God steers, but you row. And rowing is what will get you into the college of your choice.
Luanna Rice, Sandcastles.

First off. Prom is next weekend! I have everything I need, but I still need to order flowers but that won't take long. Me and Kelson talked for a couple hours last night over text, and it was really good. I think we will have lots of fun. Zac Sondag is going with Rena and since Kelson and her are kind of dating Zac told me we can dance together, but Kelson hasn't said anything about Rena to me so I don't know what is going to happen.

So yesterday was like the best day everrr. I found out I was awarded my full tuiton from fafsa!! All but $8,000 in loans, but that is still amazing. Mom is going to send off my down payment for housing too so I have a place to live! Then when I got to the baseball game, Kyla told me I got on prom court!! It is me, Ky, Alex, Stephanie Harper (she wasn't going to go to prom so everyone voted for her so she would) then the boys are Kelson, Brad, Andy C and Tyler B. Juniors are Melissa, Courtney, Trev and Marshall (who used to be in our grade but failed and the other juniors thought it would be funny to vote him). Kelson said that me and him are destined to be king and queen since we are dates :) That would be about the sweetest thing ever. Honestly, getting prom queen isn't a big deal to me, but if it means beating Kyla at something I would love to! And people keep telling me that they are going to vote for me sooo. I don't know, don't want to give my hopes up but whatever happens happens, and this is my first time on court ever so I am happy :)) Oh then also Ali won Biggest Loser, being the first female to win so that made me happpyyyyy.

Ok now for Oprah. Maria Shriver was on today for her book "Just Who Will You Be". She wrote it for teenagers my age, but a lot of older woman were relating to it on the show. It was really weird though because it is exactly how I feel right now. Like I am lost and I am not what other people think me to be, what I let them think of me. But now that I am moving and college is around the corner.. I am slowly opening up and being myself. One of the things she said was to make a list of pledges, so here we go.

I pledge to..
1. Never be, say or act average.
2. Never compromise my beliefs to please others.
3. Reach all the goals I set for myself.
4. Not be the "typical" college student.
5. Keep my head up high and stand up straight wherever I am at.
6. Let God steer me to make good decisions...
7. Never forget to row my own boat.
8. Make time and space for my own feelings.
9. Always love others, but never to forget to love myself.
10. Love the body God gave me and every other woman.

I think that is a good start.

Tucker looks so cute right now, laying on the futon between my pillow and pink comforter where I slept earlier. The window is open and the sun and wind is hitting him just right so that I know he is the happiest cat in the world! By the way, it is 72 degrees today. I knoooow it is great :) I am praying for it to stay warm because that will make these last 3 weeks of high school so much more bearable.

Money problems are almost over. Garage sale this weekend, then we are going to start packing our belongings. Mom has narrowed down some apartments in Bloomington to live in. I need to take my placement tests soon. Math AP test is May 6th or something and I am not sure if I am going to wast $20 on it or not yet. For our off campus work next Wednesday/Thursday we are taking a practice test, so we will see how I do on that. Trip to Florida is a bust, so now I am trying to figure out what me and Sam can do. Mom suggested surprising her at graduation the 23rd but I have sesquecentenial the 24th, so I am not sure yet.





Time to find something else to fill my boring life :)

Spring break is ok. Good to be off school for a little bit and catch up on hanging out with people instead of curling up in my room and sleeping all day.

Saw Michelle and Casey. Partied at Rick's. Drank too much. Puked a shit ton. Went to church without eating Easter morning. Got super fatigued and passed out on Aunt Sisi's couch all afternoon. Monday felt a tad better. Today is better but I am getting random killer head aches and my throat hurts sometimes.

Prime = Amazing movie. Boi in it = hottness.

Bois in general suck though. Kelson, who I thought was going to be a little fling mayba, turned into being like every other guy I fall for. He had Rena over tonight. Already don't care for her to begin with. Ughhh. Nothing was even going on with us and I feel like my heart just got broken. Every time I tell someone about how I feel the thing I fear the most happens. I have the worst luck ever. I am going to be single the rest of my life. Fuck this.

Ok I am tired and have to get up at a decent hour to pick out Kelson's vest and tie at 11am, yippee.






I hate feeling like this.
When will it be my turn?..